I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
