I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
