the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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