The maid of honor just puked.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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