i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
