ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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