you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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