Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
