return my video game
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
