It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
