Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
