Since when is my name a synonym for head?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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