They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize