omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
