I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
