i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize