I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
