Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
