whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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