Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
