Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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