I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Never joke about your clitoris.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
