Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
