the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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