Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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