New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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