we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
