Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
