how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
