Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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