i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
