When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
