Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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