Just cropdusted the office
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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