So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
