The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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