in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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