I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
