I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
My vagina just recognized that song.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
