carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
either way he was missing a nipple.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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