I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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