What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
