sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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