3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
3 2 1 whiskey
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
