my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
