We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
