some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
