It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
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Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
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im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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