after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
