Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
