Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
