Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
