I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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