you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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