he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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