New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Who wears a wallet chain?!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
