THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
