I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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