Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
