I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
