I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
