im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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