I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
