Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
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I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
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Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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